they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
