Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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