My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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