I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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