why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
