they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
