Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
