And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
