I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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