Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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