it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
