The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
