So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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