apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
