in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
