i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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