dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
