whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
