i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
