Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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