I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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