I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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