idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
