my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I enjoy the company of your penis
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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