whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
third nipple confirmed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
