Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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