I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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