You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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