he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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