the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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