her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
