Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we're so committed to being not committed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
