Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
