I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
there's paper in my vomit.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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