happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
