I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
