i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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