Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Barsexuality is the new black.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
