any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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