Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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