i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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