i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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