either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
