the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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