He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
