It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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