this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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