I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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