I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
