im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
