he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
