Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
