There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
