Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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