He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
