tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
