Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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